A True Fabrication of Our Distorted Desires

Here is why I cannot stand your frat. first of all you complain to me about how exhausted and tired and sleepy you ALWAYS are. You tell me your beyond tired anymore. Then you stay up till ungodly hours doing bitch work for your frat house. You tell me you have a midterm the next day or you have homework you don’t want to do but then you go and do some bull shit for some active in your frat. I feel like the person i knew is slipping away. You used to care so much about school you used to be pissed if you for an eighty five on a midterm. you used to study all the time. and now all you do is complain to ME about how you don’t want to work or how much work you have when you are spending your now precious time literally doing BITCH WORK for some guy. It make me sad, jealous, angry, pissed off what ever that the things these guys ask you to do you will just do. If I your gf asked you to do ANY of this you wouldn’t. You’ve dated me for a year and a half and you’ve known these guys for 2 months and you would already do anything for them. It makes me sick. I hate that your loyalty is stronger with them then me. I don’t ask you to clean my house, drive me here and there, do my mother fucking laundry but if i did you would laugh at me because that would be ridiculous. Would you do something for me if i gave you a signature? I feel like i have to compete with this frat to get your time and that is complete and utter horse shit. I hate how you complatin about it and then go right back to doing their dirty work. The guy I know would never do another mans laundry or drive them around. Where have your priorities gone? who are you anymore? I’m really starting to question that. Who are you? You make me feel like i am so mean so needy when i don’t ask you to do anything except a little bit of your time. But that usually is to much. that is why it hurts me so much and thats why i get this bitchy, passive aggressive rage inside whenever you tell me you “HAD” to do something for these ass holes. you don’t HAVE to do shit. It doesn’t make sense that you have to practically lick someones balls to become part of their club. If i gave you free drugs and made you feel like you were part of something that you couldn’t be in other wise would you give me everything i wanted? if i surround you by girls and fed you alcohol all the time would you commit more time to me? this is what i hate, and what is making me start to hate you and us. It is the poison in the well that you created and i hate you for it. I hate it. we have changed you have changed and it makes me sad everyday. I want you to not take me for granted anymore and stop putting me in the background of your life. I will not stand for it and i will end it. You will lose me you will lose us and that hurts. I am tired of feeling crazy and mean and mad. but its hard when I’m with you but not really in your life. my life is to contacted to yours but yet we are so far apart. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i hate what we are becoming. 

Help me I’m drowning. I am falling into a black hole. I hate this world i am in that i have created. I can’t be in my own mind anymore. I want to feel normal. i want to feel happy. I can’t. I can’t do anything. I hate that you are so god dam happy. That you got that experience. I wanted that. Do i not deserve it? what did i do? Why can’t you cut me some slack. My rope is wearing thin. So thin. Like there used to be a rope holding us together. But slowly you hack away at it. Slowly you make me miserable. Slowly i begin to feel crazy. Why why do you do this to me. I hate this feeling i get. I hate who i am becoming. I hate what this has done to us, why can’t i just end it. Why can’t i be done. Im so scared but at the same time i want to so bad. I hate us. I hate you. I feel like nothing matters anymore like i don’t matter. another thing in your life on your long list of to dos. You don’t have enough time. YOU stretch your self thin. and when you do that you don’t make enough time for everything. you have to half ass everything just to get by. WHY? why do you do this? i don’t understand. you take this us for granted. thank you for staying with you through this? fuck that. I don’t want to but you know i will anyway. its not fair. why me… I want to be happy. I want to run away in the opposite direction. I want you to understand. I want my tears and feelings to matter. We shouldn’t be together. we shouldn’t but i don’t have the corage to end it. But i know we shouldn’t. i hate this trapped feeling of being me. Im trapped in my own self just waiting for the rope to snap. for this to end. for us to break. because i am so close to breaking. you can’t keep pushing me but you won’t stop. i am going to break and soon. and you won’t be there to catch me. no one will. you wouldn’t catch me. you wouldn’t fight back you would accept it and be angry. Some how you would make me feel like the bad guy and you wouldn’t come after me. you would let me go. you always do you never come after me. and it hurts. you make me hurt. i am done. i am done. i chose to be done. i can’t feel like this anymore. good then awful. you walk all over us. IM DONE and IM WORN OUT. good bye.